My assignment from the nurses’ registry
for which I worked was to go to the post-anesthesia recovery unit at Edgewood
Hospital* to work the evening shift. The operating room supervisor said it
looked like a quiet evening, as there were only two more cases in surgery yet to
arrive in the recovery room or PACU.. As I was caring for my first patient
to arrive from the operating room, I heard the supervisor tell Sue*, the other
RN, that there were three more cases being added to the surgery schedule for
that evening. Sue came over and told me that Doctor Strand* had three “TABS”
coming in. This was an unfamiliar term to me, and Sue explained that it
meant therapeutic abortion. This was a shock to me, as I had never worked
at a hospital that performed abortions before. The very word was abhorrent to
me, and I breathed a prayer that I would be able to get through it. At
that moment I was very grateful to God that I was not working in the operating
room where the actual procedure was performed. I asked the Lord to
strengthen me for what I was about to experience and to be a comfort and a
blessing to these young women who had chosen this way out of their dilemma.
Sue admitted the first girl to the PACU
from surgery while I prepared the other patients who were now awake and stable
to be transferred up to their rooms on the surgical floor. Sue quickly connected
the patient to the PACU monitors and took readings of the vital signs, blood
pressure, pulse, respiration and oxygenation. She checked the patient for
bleeding and then began charting her notes. Sue then picked up a small
specimen cup at the bottom of the patient’s bed and told me that it is important
to get this out of sight before the patient wakes up. She then placed the
specimen cup in the box for laboratory pick-up at the nurses’ station.
When her patient wakened, Sue reassured her that everything had gone well.
The patient asked how big her baby was, and Sue replied that it was “only bits
of tissue.” Seemingly satisfied with this answer, her patient drifted back
into anesthetic drowsiness.
My patients had just been transferred to their rooms when
my first TAB patient arrived. Why, she was just a baby herself! How
sweet and innocent she appeared lying there asleep. I quickly repeated the
admission procedure, and being assured that she was stable, I then picked up the
specimen cup to put it in the laboratory pick-up box. On the label of the
container were printed her name, Sandi Stevenson*, her patient identification
number, the doctor’s name, and the hand-written words “products of conception.”
Through the translucent plastic I could see a perfectly formed baby, not even
two inches long, complete with arms and legs. My shock was overwhelming, and I
felt a bizarre combination of anger, sadness, nausea and lightheadedness.
I knew that I did not have the luxury of fainting, so I stepped behind the
curtain and sat down and lowered my head and took some deep breaths. The
faint feeling left and I remained out of sight for a few more minutes to wipe
away the tears and compose myself. This was not just a blob of tissue as
we had always been told! This was a perfect tiny human being made in God’s
image that had just been torn from its mother’s womb by the vacuum extraction
machine. I was horrified and realized that I had been lied to all through
nursing school and by the media, and even by my fellow RN.
Sue called and asked
if I was OK. I emerged from behind the curtain, and it must have been
obvious that I had been crying. She commented that this was obviously my
first TAB case. I told her that I wondered how these three abortions could
be considered “emergency” add-on cases, as none of the girls seemed to have had
any bleeding or apparent emergency symptoms. Sue said that Dr. Strand*
often brought in “emergency” TABS in the evening after the surgeries are all
finished. She went on to explain that the surgery schedule is circulated
to every unit in the hospital, and that by bringing his cases in late, Dr.
Strand’s name would not appear on the schedule in connection with abortions in
order to protect his reputation. I explained to Sue that I had worked only
in Christian hospitals where abortions were not done except on very rare
occasion, and this was quite a shock to me. Sue pointed out that this was
just an ordinary day in many general hospitals.
Sandi was beginning to wake up, and I told her that she was
in the recovery room and that the procedure had gone well. I gave her an
injection for pain and checked her vital signs again. My heart silently
sent up another prayer that I would have the right words for any questions she
might ask. Sandi was quiet and withdrawn. I asked her if she wanted
to talk. She shook her head no and turned her face to the wall. A
tear trickled down her cheek. As I handed her a tissue, I patted her hand.
Pain medication, a cool cloth to wipe her forehead, and holding her hand was all
the comfort that I could give, as I honored her request for silence. Being
with her even such a short time, I could sense her sadness and loss of innocence
as well as my own. As I wheeled Sandi up to her room, I brushed the hair off her
forehead and whispered, “God bless you,” and she answered, “Thank you.”
As I was finishing my charting, my eyes
wandered over to the specimen cups in the laboratory pick-up box. I
wondered what might you little ones have become? What did God have planned
for you? No, I couldn’t let my mind wander in that direction. It was just
too painful. Instead I thanked the Lord for hope of a better land to come,
a heavenly home where death and devastation would be no more. What a
wonderful hope that through the sacrifice of our Lord Jesus on the cross, our
sins would be forgiven, and that by accepting His great gift, we will have the
privilege of spending all eternity with Him in the earth made new where God will
wipe away all tears. I know that all abortion mothers grieve their lost babies,
although many medicate their pain with drugs or alcohol, or perhaps experience
abnormal behaviors known as post abortion syndrome. (1) Many require
extended counseling to get over the guilt or denial and move on with their
lives. Those who really succeed in overcoming their guilt and denial find it
through a complete and loving intimacy with our loving and forgiving God.
In the
meantime, I requested my nurses’ registry never to assign me to any hospital
that performs abortions. And I pray every day that God will make Himself
known to Sandi and all other girls like her, so that they too have this
beautiful blessed hope.
*All names have been changed.
(1)Wikipedia, Post- abortion syndrome: Post- abortion syndrome symptoms may include the following:
guilt, anxiety, psychological numbing, depression, thoughts of suicide,
anniversary syndrome, re-experiencing the abortion, preoccupation with becoming
pregnant again, anxiety over fertility issues, interruption of the bonding
process with present and/or future children, survival guilt, development of
eating disorders, alcohol and drug abuse, other self-punishing behaviors, brief
reactive psychosis. Post-abortion syndrome is commonly thought of as the
abortive mother’s problem, though its impact may extend to the father,
grandparents and siblings.
